What are Battle Stories?
Battle Stories are short stories that I write about a battle. It's sometimes between Weird Battles characters, or a character may face someone from something else, or it maybe could have nothing to do with Weird Battles at all! There will be no more than 3 stories on this page at once. To suggest who should battle who, see the Blog.
Challenge of the Bacon!
KA-POW!!! Weird Man fired a grenade from his G.L.A and finished off his challenger, a ninja whose hero name was “Dark Dagger”. He was a Stick Person Ninja who had graduated from the Stick Person Ninja academy about a year ago and was working on becoming a solo hero. They were in a battle arena that was like a boxing ring the size of a baseball field. Dark Dagger had taken enough damage, and the judge called the match so that no one would get too dangerously hurt.
“Dark Dagger has taken enough hits! Any more could lead to severe injury! Weird Man wins!” announced the judge, holding up his right hand to signify that Weird Man had the win. Dark Dagger struggled to get up. Weird Man held out his hand, and Dark Dagger grabbed it so Weird Man could help him up.
“Good game,” said Weird Man. Dark Dagger grumbled something, and then walked away.
“Who’s next?!” announced Weird Man. He was feeling pretty confident. It was a great day, and he had won all 18 of today’s matches with less than 5 well aimed attacks per match. However, he was starting to get a little cocky, which was rare for Weird Man. He was about to be reminded what a tough foe was like!
“Prepare to meat your match, Weird Man!” said a voice. Weird Man looked around and stepped into the sounds. The voice said the same thing again. He looked down and saw what looked like a strip of bacon with arms and legs. He had a bandanna covering his face with eye holes so he could see.
“You?” asked weird Man. “I don’t think so! You’re pretty tiny. You should probably train up and get stronger. Then at least you would-“
“I have no intention of battling you!” exclaimed the strip of bacon. “My leader has trained hard to face you for the championship of Weird Land Hero Sparing. He has been training intensely in the Meat Army and his weapon is shined, completely loaded, and error-free. Preseting: SERGEANT BACON!!!” From behind the crowd stepped a very large strip of bacon with large muscles and a competitive look on his face. There was something strapped around his back.
“Greetings, Weird Man,” said the large strip of bacon. “I am Sergeant Bacon, the Leader of the Bacon Army’s Division B. I have come to face you in a battle to claim the title of Champion.”
“I’m on a roll today, so I think I can handle you!” said Weird Man. “I accept your challenge.”
Sergeant Bacon took the pack off his back and opened it. He pulled out a very large gun wrapped in bacon. Sergeant Bacon also took out Ammo Clips on a belt and put the belt on.
“Behold, the BACON-47!” proclaimed Sergeant Bacon. “This is a perfect weapon. It is set to “Sparring” mode so you will not be totally destroyed by the bacon it fires.
“It fires bacon?” asked Weird Man
“Correct,” answered Sergeant Bacon. “It shoots about 3 strips per second in this mode, and can light it on fire when necessary. You will be defeated before you can begin.”
“Well, now I have a strategy for how to win,” chuckled Weird Man.
As they entered the arena, Weird Man felt highly confident. He knew this would be a tough foe so he made sure he was ready and he was. As soon as the bell rang, the bacon was shot right at Weird Man. But Weird Man already knew how to win.
“Hand Shield, go!” shouted Weird Man. He stuck his hand out and it turned into a metal shield and blocked all the bacon. Weird Man slowly advanced with the shield in front of him until Sergeant Bacon stopped firing to reload: Exactly what Weird Man was hoping for. Weird Man flew straight at Sergeant Bacon, turned his hand back to normal, and got Arm Blades ready. He charged at Sergeant Bacon and sliced at the gun, but his attack surprisingly slipped right off!
“HA! The grease allows Bacon Beings only to touch the gun!” laughed Sergeant Bacon. Then, Sergeant Bacon rubbed his hand against himself to get it greasy, then punched Weird Man in the face! The grease obscured Weird Man’s vision, so he retreated to the sky. The wind blew the grease away, but not in time for Weird Man to dodge the shots of bacon being shot at him. Weird Man had to take a risk now.
He got Hand Shield ready and plunged downwards! The bacon was repelled until finally…
WHAM!!! Weird Man hit Sergeant Bacon on the head with Hand Shield! Disoriented, Sergeant Bacon was left completely open. Weird Man grabbed Sergeant Bacon and began lifting him up in the air, ready for an amazing air-drop move. But Sergeant Bacon had prepared for this as well.
Sergeant Bacon started wiggling himself around. Quickly, the grease caused Weird Man to lose his grip! But Weird Man managed to get Flamethrower Arm ready and blasted Sergeant Bacon, who quickly darted away before he become extra crispy.
Sergeant Bacon wanted to wrap it up, so he blasted full-force with bacon, which Weird Man blocked. Sergeant Bacon was not prepared for what happened next.
Weird Man charged at Sergeant Bacon and head-butted him, a move almost never used by Weird Man. Sergeant Bacon’s surprise left him open for the finishing blow.
“The match is over!” called the judge. “Sergeant Bacon has suffered too much damage, so Weird Man has been declared the winner!”
The crowd cheered as Weird Man helped Sergeant Bacon out. Soon, Sergeant Bacon was able to get out on his own.
“Congratulations, Weird Man,” said Sergeant Bacon. “I hope we see each other in the future. I’d be willing to help you with missions.”
“As do I,” replied Weird Man. They walked separate ways as they both felt respect for each other.
Weird Man VS Mario
Weird Man was on a mission to find the hole connecting dimensions. He flew around to its location, going solo while The Chief of Scientists was back at Weird Man’s HQ. Soon, he found it! But soon, he wasn’t alone. Out of the hole came someone wearing a red cap with an “M” on it. He had blue overalls with large yellow buttons on the suspenders. To top it off, he had a black mustache on his face. Weird Man knew that it must have been the legendary person Mario that The Chief of Scientists had told him about from his games.
“Let’s a-go!” yelled Mario in his famous Italian accent. Weird Man knew he had to fight Mario back through the hole. He also knew that he was in for a tough fight. Luckily for him, he could fly, which he did. He activated his Finger Knives and shot them out! Mario jumped, tumbled, and ducked to avoid the attacks. The knives went back to Weird Man and reattached themselves on his hands. Then, Mario picked up a suitcase he brought with him that was full of mushrooms of various size and color. He chose an orange one with a propeller on top. He took it out of his case and at it one big bite. Then an orange suit with a propeller on top appeared on him. He jumped, spun, and flew into the air, hitting Weird Man! Weird man quickly scratched back with Finger Knives a few times, and Mario’s orange suit faded, and he was back to his regular clothes. Weird Man turned his fingers back to normal.
“I suggest you retreat,” warned Weird Man.
“I’ve never given up a fight early!” said Mario. “I’m-a still going strong!”
Weird Man knew that Mario was a tough, confident opponent with a large record of victories, so he didn’t expect Mario to back down. He got his Arm-Flamethrower ready and aimed. It hit Mario strong! This time, he shrunk down. But he clearly wasn’t done. Once again, he opened up his suitcase of power-ups and chose an orange flower with a faces. Mario snatched it up, crushed it in his and, and grew. But his pants turned red, and his cap turned white. Then, he shot a fireball out at Weird Man! Weird Man flew up and dodged it, dropped down to aim again, only to find another fireball flying right into his face! Weird Man got hit pretty hard. He soon recovered, and deflected another fireball with a fiery attack of his own.
“You’re a-tough… You must be one of Bowser’s top new soldiers!” exclaimed Mario.
“I just am trying to defend my world!” exclaimed Weird Man. He shot another blast of fire, and Mario lost his fire powers. He shot another blast, and Mario shrunk again. Mario grabbed a red mushroom with white spots on it and grew. Then Weird Man turned his arm mad to normal and flew up into the air, prepared his Rocket Feet, and charged at Mario! Mario was hit directly and knocked back several feet and shrunk upon landing. But, as usual, he didn’t quite give up.
“Time to a-end this!” he shouted at he ran back to his suitcase. Weird Man turned around as Mario was getting something from his suitcase, and charged! He flew into Mario with eyes closed for an epic appearance. He was about to hit when suddenly…
BAM!!! Something hit him with incredible force! He was punched backwards several yards. He hit the ground and opened his eyes to see that Mario was now HUGE!!!
“Let’s see how you a-handle Mega Mario!” roared Mario. Weird Man got his Grenade Launcher Arm set and fired repeatedly, but they only slowed Mario down. Weird Man had only one option: RUN!!! Actually, he had two. He took the second one: FLY!!!
With Mega Mario chasing him, Weird Man flew as fast as he could. Luckily Mega Mario cannot run. Soon, the effect wore off, and Weird Man was ready to attack! He turned around, flew straight at Mario, and snatched him off the ground! He flew back to the dimensional hole as it was closing. He tossed Mario in, along with his suitcase. The hole closed just as Mario was shouted, “You can a-expect a rematch!”
Weird Man had finished his mission, and beat the famous Mario. However, he knew that since he hadn’t completely defeated Mario, there would definatly be a rematch…